Two Whispering Companions
Lynn Clouser Holt
There are two companions that vie for my acknowledgement along life’s journey. They both whisper to me. One of the predictable companions is an old, old message-companion that I’d like to dis-invite to my journey. This companion’s name is Not Being Enough.
In my familiar surroundings, I seldom give this Not Enough companion much notice but when she does appear … before I know it I find I am rehearsing my stories which affirm, a message that I am not enough. Not enough to be a good spouse, parent, friend, pastor, teacher, follower of Christ, a contributing member of the human race. This companion whispers fear, self-doubt and shame. Can you relate?
The Not Enough companion has an entire new repertoire for me here in Palestine. She whispers, “You don’t EVEN know the basic things.” Not Being Enough taunts, “Lynn, here in Palestine you have difficulty navigating the sidewalk and getting noticed at a meal-counter. Don’t venture too far or you will get lost in the street maze. Lynn, you are not good at languages so how will you ever communicate?” And the final whisper says, “WHAT are YOU doing in Palestine? What help can YOU be? What does this MEAN for you?”
I have another whispering companion who is a welcome friend. The Good Shepherd is also speaking and countering the voice of Not Being Enough. I find at this growing edge, my capacity to wait and “to be” IS ENOUGH for this moment. I am experiencing God’s Presence and peace in Palestine. And, I have a growing hunch that my old friend, Not Being Enough, also belongs. She is the contrast to the freedom and adventure I experience when I choose to listen to the Voice of God’s loving presence.
May you each know the gift of freedom and adventure found in God